A doula’s job is to guide couples through one of the most special moments of their lives. Siri talks about pregnancy, giving birth, her childhood and trust.
Siri grew up as the oldest in a family of five girls. Her parents divorced when she was six, after which her mother moved to France, while she stayed living with her father in Amsterdam. Coming from a truly multicultural background with Jewish roots, Siri was raised as a Sikh Ashram in the Guru Ram Das Ashram. This meant that by age 12 she was impelled to go to boarding school in India, where she was away from friends and family for nine months every year.
“Because of the religion of my parents I went to a boarding school in India for Western kids,” says Siri. “My Mum wasn’t keen on me going, but my dad really preferred that I go. I agreed to that of course, as aware as you can be when you’re 12 years old. It wasn’t really a conscious decision. The time in India was a period of love and hate. On one hand, it was quite difficult at 12 years old to be without my family; but on the other hand, I had so many friends there with whom I had quite some adventures. I’m a very social person and as a teenager that became more important than my parents at a certain point.”
For five years, Siri travelled back to Europe every summer to visit her family; yet there was one year that she will never forget. During her final year of boarding school in India, she caught the life threatening illness typhoid fever. She was hospitalised for weeks, making it impossible for her to meet her baby brother from her father’s side in Amsterdam that summer. Deciding to go the following winter to meet her newest family member, Siri was then injured in a severe car accident.
”We had just visited my Dad and were on our way to France to visit my Mum on the 1st of January. I don’t remember much from the accident as I was asleep when it happened. Apparently everyone in the car had fallen asleep, being tired from New Year’s Eve and having not slept much. My entire right side was crushed into the tree we hit. Luckily I wasn’t paralysed but it was pretty severe. I remember that I woke up in the hospital five days later. After the typhoid fever and the car accident I told myself, “and now you’re going to make your own choices.” I got into those situations because other people had made decisions for me. Of course I didn’t realise that at the time, but now I can say it really pushed me to become my own person.”
don’t let other people
make them for you.”
Siri decided to stay one more year in India before returning to Holland to complete high school. Here she discovered a greater freedom to make her own choices and after graduating she set off to explore Europe and experience other cultures and meet new people. At the age of 21, during her anthropological studies, she met her now-husband while on holiday in Mexico. After this she spent many years juggling her life between Amsterdam and living in Mexico-city, when she asked he husband if he wanted to come and live with her in Amsterdam.
“I wanted to go back to Holland to finish my studies and I asked him to come with me. I completed my bachelor degree and was looking for a job so he could stay with me in Amsterdam. I had to prove to the government that I could make enough money to support both of us, since he wasn’t allowed to work here. I was working at an Israeli travel agency when I unexpectedly got pregnant. It wasn’t planned but very welcome from my side, as I always knew I wanted to have kids and I was 26 years old. I grew up as the oldest in a large family and I remember all my sisters being born, this was always very special to me.”
Siri’s own experiences as a young mother were the inspiration for her becoming a doula, someone who guides women through pregnancy and provides emotional support during labour and childbirth. In The Netherlands couples can themselves choose to give birth in the hospital, or in the safe environment of their own home. Midwives have an important role monitoring and caring for women throughout their pregnancy and during home births. But for Siri, traditional midwifery is too medically focused, and she says it’s important to support couples emotionally as well as physically.
“While a doula does not replace the role of a midwife, they build trust and confidence and remain a constant emotional support during the whole birth process,” Siri says. “Childbirth is a very intimate experience yet there are so many practical things you need to learn to give birth to a child. I like to give parents the freedom and space to connect with each other and themselves. It all comes down to creating the environment in which you want to welcome your new baby into the world.”
